Love/Hate

I told my boyfriend about my eating disorder.

I was so worried about the effects it is having on my health that I had to. It wouldn't be fair not to, because he'd end up thinking something else was up. To be fair, it's a bit of a relief. It was tearing me apart keeping it from him. I promised him I'll be better soon.

I haven't purged in 2 days, but I have had a couple of binges., I am fat and disgusting. I saw my thighs in the mirror this morning and wanted to cry at the cellulite. I'm out for a meal tonight, and if things go to plan it'll be the biggest meal I have in a while. I must, lose weight. There's no two ways about it.

I'm also pretty fucked; I think I love my boyfriend. I'm not sure, I don't trust my feelings, but this keeps overwhelming me. It just means I'll get hurt and the thought makes me feel sick. I suppose that this is another reason to lose weight; I have to be attractive to him so he's less likely to leave me.

Haha, right back into my usual styles of thinking. Shoot me now.