Drama

I'm not loving work so much. Let me tell you a story.

So on Wednesday (I think) I got sent home from work to change for wearing skin-tone tights. This was by a woman who dresses very interestingly. None of the other managers agreed with it but because they were in a rush because a client was visiting I had to go. I got home and changed, and had to borrow money to get back in to work. Now I have to work the time I missed. I was only gone for about 2 hours but I have to go and work 3 on Monday morning, my day off. I'm not best pleased.

I ended up comfort eating yesterday as well. I ate a sandwich and some chocolate. I told myself not to worry because I can eat less later, and I was so focused on work I couldn't think of it, and I felt so happy for a little while. 

I binged and purged again last night. This morning has been a great big binge. 

I wish I could eat normally, but I know it's not safe until I get rid of the instinct to use food as a reaction or way to cope with everything. 

I know I'm not writing well, I'm not really with it. I was just underweight the other day, and I've put on 3 pounds since. I'm dreading seeing the effects of yesterday and today. 

I really hate myself for my food problems. 

Without the psychologist all the weight (haha) of them is on me. More pressure.

I wish I could shut myself in my room and sleep for weeks then come out and be thin and happy. I wish I could go to sleep and all the bad things would disappear.