Ceilidh!

I forgot to mention in my last post that I'm going to a ceilidh tonight.

I don't really want to go, but I must make myself socialise! If I shut myself away I'll just get more and more miserable. I keep telling myself that nobody wants me there, but all of my friends kept asking me to come and they more or less press-ganged me into agreeing to go. Plus, I promised someone who is new to the society that I'd hang out with him because he doesn't know anyone. I'm going to his for drinks beforehand, and the nice girl from my tutorial will be there.

I am concerned about the drinking part. I am a complete arse sometimes, and drink increases the chances of this happening. I should be ok. I hope I am.

My boyfriend can't come because he doesn't have any smart trousers. This is the reason! He has said this before! My stupid fucking head is determined to be angry at him for something he hasn't done though, and I think he's making excuses for everything and that he doesn't care about me. I don't want this to happen with him! He doesn't deserve it. If I start finding myself picking fights (as I always do) with him, I don't know what I'll do.

I think I love him (it's only 2 months though, plus I can never trust my own feelings), so naturally I need to push him away. I need to reject him before he hurts and abandons me. I need to call him out on crimes he is bound to have commited, because nobody could possibly care for me, he must be using me!

I'm such a fucking moron.