Fear

I feel sad.

I just realised how scared I am of somebody seeing me eat a proper meal. I always eat in my room, with the excuse that it means I can avoid my flatmates more. I just made myself stay in the kitchen to eat lunch (just noodle soup) and I was terrified that somebody would walk in the whole time I was eating.

The day was meant to be good. I went to the big Boots store on Sauchiehall Street to look for rehydration salt things and multivitamins. I think I'm losing hair; there's a lot more than normal falling out. I got the multivitamins and some gentle mouthwash to use after I purge, because I know brushing damages your teeth a lot after you've been sick. I couldn't find the rehydration stuff, and I didn't ask. I was afraid I'd be called out on why I was looking for them.

I got back to the flat and realised how exhausted I was. Even walking down 2 flights of stairs to leave the building leaves me out of breath. I then got very angry, because the bin was starting to overflow and as usual nobody else had thought to empty it. I did, slamming many doors and stomping lots in the process. I think they realise I'm angry at them. I was happy to see the cooker has been cleaned though.

One of them is having a birthday party next week, and I should be staying at my boyfriend's that night. Hopefully she'll clean up before and after. That would be nice. I'm fed up of being the only person to actually clean anything. It makes me so angry, and right now I don't have the strength to feel anything. It just makes me feel faint.

I'm going to Tesco to buy tinned tomatoes and pasta later, and I may have a look at buying some scales. It will probably end badly if I do.