05/01/2010

Okay, I don't know how to start this, but it feels like I'm bottling my feelings up about this.

The night before last I went out with one of my best friends from home. My ex, the one who was seeing his ex behind my back, was there. Me and him have got on well since the break-up, and I counted him as a good friend. I'll sum up what happened.

My friend went home and him and me got food then went to his to eat it. I ended up unable to move or talk and I'm not sure why. I also felt very confused. I wasn't incredibly drunk, and I've never felt that way before. While I wasn't able to move he took advantage of me. I kept forgetting who he was and where I was.

When he walked me home I knew something bad had happened but recognised a friend was with me. I hugged him before going in. It was only in the morning I realised what had all happened.

I feel so sick. I can't believe a friend, someone I trusted would do this. I've been to the police, and while part of me is scared of what's going to happen (it'll blow up, he'll deny it, something will make it worse) I feel better for reporting it. Still not good though.

I don't think he actually had sex with me but I can't remember part of the night. I hope not.

I think something was in one of my drinks, but I hope not, and even if there was I'm praying it wasn't him. Hopefully he just saw an opportunity and took it, as horrible as it was. If he planned it I don't know how I'll cope. I'm already enough of a mess over it.

I just can't get my head around it. He was a friend.