Last night my boyfriend was getting really worked up. He says I've lost too much weight. I reassured him that I've only lost a couple of pounds recently but he pointed out that as I've been exercising I've been building up muscle. He knows most things about my eating problems, but he doesn't understand how alone it makes me feel. I know he's there for me but he can't relate to the conflict that goes on in my head every second of every day. He quite often only eats one meal a day as well, so when he says there's something wrong with me I have to fight the urge to call him a hypocrite.
We're going to Glasgow together on Monday. I have a university applicant's day and he's coming with me. We're staying 2 nights in a hotel. I know that food will be a huge issue while we're there. He won't try to make me eat, he knows that it just won't help, but he'll get really upset over it. He'll blame himself and I don't want that. I can't wait to have a couple days where I have complete control over what I eat but I'm worried it'll turn into one huge binge.
That said, the European Market was in town today. It has all kind of fancy sweets, and pastry stalls and paella and different kinds of cake. It all smells delicious. I was up town with my boyfriend and was worried I wouldn't be able to resist, normally I'd dive in headfirst into the calorie-laden deliciousness, but I was fine. Because it's the weekend and my family are around I'd had to have lunch before heading out, so that probably helped.
Right now I'm sitting drinking chai tea. One teaspoon of sugar in it, but I'm trying not to think of that.
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