I want it to stop. I want all of this to stop but I can't make it. What's really a way for me to take control has taken complete control of me. Every day I wake up and think "today I won't do it, I'll eat normally and it'll be fine", but before I know it I'm in the bathroom desperately emptying my stomach of whatever tiny amount of food I've eaten. Every night I decide that I won't cut myself, no matter how much or how little I've eaten, but I always end up painting lines in my food diary with my blood.
I'm not unhappy with my body, I don't want to be insanely thin, but I can't be happy until I've lost weight. But even then I'll think I need to lose more. I'm not an unhappy person, I have a pretty good life, but I make myself unhappy by doing this.
I want to stop, I just don't know how to stop myself.
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