:)

After typing my last post I felt a huge weight leave me. Instead of trying to push things out of my head and make them seem better than they were I could just look at it and say "that's what happened, I can't change it". 

I've been in a high mood again for the past couple of days, but it feels different that usual. It's like I've been stuck in a glass box watching the world for years and now the walls have vanished. I don't feel so cut off, I feel like I'm part of the world instead of something underneath it. I know that that feeling won't always be so good, but when things get bad again I have this an an example to show myself that it's not always terrible. 

Eating's been ok. I've felt guilty a couple of times and considered purging, but never went through with it. I've been making sure I eat every meal, including breakfast which I've never really liked. I'm having snacks too. It won't always be as easy as it is now, but again I have this example for the future.

I've been reading as well. It's been months since I could read more than a page of a book at a time, but since yesterday my mind's calmed down a bit, letting me focus on things. Instead of a hundred voices and narratives running at once I can choose which ones I want, and keep my thoughts on track. The book is really good. I picked it up in the library on a whim because it had doughnuts on the cover and it didn't sound too terrible. 

It's called This Book Will Save Your Life, and it's by A. M. Homes. The main character is a man who has shut himself off from most people and has this rigidly structured and controlled life. He kind of cracks, and starts feeling the pain of things that have happened in his life, and he pretty much starts to let himself live.

I think one of the reasons I love it so much is because my eating problems have been a way to try to control my life without dealing with my past. It's nice to read about someone moving away from living in a similar way. Still, I'd recommend it to anyone.

Last night I went out with a friend who I don't see often because he goes to university in Aberdeen. We picked up my boyfriend and my friend drove us around all night. It was nice just being in the company of people without having to "do" anything. 

This morning I had a job interview which went really well. A pawnbrokers is opening in my town and they're looking to hire staff, train them, and give them experience working in Aberdeen before the store opens. I really hope I get a job there, it would be interesting work.