Degraded

I've eaten so much today, enough food to last 2 people the whole day. I threw up once. Well, I say once, but it was about 5 times in one "sitting". I feel horrible.

My boyfriend came over today, for sex. It seems like that's all he wants when he comes to the house through the week. He's selfish in bed. He'll go down on me, but only because he knows he can use it to ask me for a lot. I'm fed up of it. I always feel really tired and snap into a daydream during sex. I guess it's a reflex thing from when I was younger.

I feel really fat today. I need to start my exercises again tonight, I'm all flabby. I want to stop tearing my body apart from the inside, but whenever things seem to be going well with eating something crap happens, my self-esteem plummets and I'm back to square one again.